The Ministry of Presence

One of the things I remember from my Jesuit education is the idea of accompaniment—walking with someone, being present, and not allowing another person to face something difficult alone.

As I’ve gotten older, I think I understand that lesson differently.

For me, the ministry of presence can be very simple. And sometimes, it isn’t particularly glamorous.

It means making sure Claire doesn’t have to go to a doctor’s appointment alone. I can be there. I can sit beside her. Sometimes, that’s enough—and it’s the least I can do for someone I love. 

It also means being willing to accept help.

I’ve recently found that in a new friendship with Randi. She’s been helping and encouraging me with my diet and making better choices. It would be easy to say, “I’ve got this.” But sometimes we don’t. Sometimes we need someone to walk beside us. And I’ve learned that accepting help is just as important as giving it.

It means helping a blind friend who lives on a fixed income when his landlord suddenly wants to charge him for upgrading the cable TV connection in his apartment. Maybe it’s just a cable connection, but to him, an unexpected charge matters. So we challenge it.

And that brings me to something else I’ve learned over the years.

The only real fun in practicing law is not letting people push other people around.

That’s really what I enjoy about it.

I don’t particularly care about the fancy arguments, the long documents, or the occasional 47-page email that could have been three paragraphs. What I like is stepping in when someone is being taken advantage of and saying, “Wait a minute. That’s not right.”

Maybe that’s another form of accompaniment.

Standing beside someone when they need someone to stand beside them.

You don’t always have to fix everything. You don’t have to have all the answers. Sometimes you just have to show up.

The older I get, the more I realize that presence doesn’t have to be dramatic.

It’s a ride to the doctor.

A phone call.

A friend checking in.

Helping someone challenge an unfair charge.

A little encouragement when the diet isn’t going particularly well.

Someone sitting beside you.

Someone saying, “I’ll go with you.”

Or sometimes simply being willing to say, “Yes, I could use your help.”

The Jesuits taught me a long time ago that we are not meant to walk through life alone.

I think I’m finally beginning to understand just how true that is.

Sometimes we walk beside someone.

Sometimes someone walks beside us.

Sometimes we help.

Sometimes we need help.

And sometimes the greatest thing we can do is simply show up.

I’ll be there.

That may be the ministry of presence.

And if it occasionally involves fighting over a cable bill, helping a friend make better choices, or making sure someone doesn’t get pushed around, well…

that’s not a bad way to spend a life.