A young friend of mine, long ago, once looked at me and asked a question that stopped me in my tracks:
“Will my mom still love me… even after she’s gone?”
I didn’t hesitate.
“Yes,” I told her. “Absolutely. A mother’s love doesn’t end when her life does. It becomes part of you.”
You carry it in the way you think, the choices you make, and eventually in the way you love other people. You hear her voice when you need guidance. You feel her pride when you get something right. And when you inevitably get something wrong, somewhere inside you is the certainty that she would forgive you, probably long before you managed to forgive yourself.
She may no longer be there to say the words, but the love remains.
Always.
That conversation reminded me of something I’ve come to believe more strongly as I’ve gotten older: women are the stronger sex.
Men may like to think strength is measured by how much we can carry, how much we can endure without complaining, or how convincingly we can pretend that we have everything under control.
But women—and mothers especially—have taught me that real strength looks very different.
It is carrying a child before anyone else has even met them. It is enduring pain to bring life into the world and then spending a lifetime worrying about that life. It is getting up in the middle of the night when everyone else is asleep. It is putting someone else’s needs ahead of your own, often without recognition and certainly without applause.
It is knowing when to hold on and, perhaps even harder, knowing when to let go.
And I’ve learned something else about women along the way: a good woman has an extraordinary ability to make a man look better than he probably deserves.
She sees possibilities in him that he sometimes cannot see in himself. She steadies him without diminishing him, challenges him without trying to change who he is, and has a remarkable way of making him believe that becoming a better man was his idea all along.
Men may get the credit for standing tall, but more often than we care to admit, there is a strong woman somewhere nearby who helped straighten our shoulders.
And if we’re smart, we know it.
But I believe there is something a good man owes a woman in return.
There is a song in the heart of every woman that only the truest kind of love can reveal. And I believe part of a man’s job is to help her find that song—and then give her every reason to sing it.
Not by trying to define her or rescue her. Not by telling her who she should be. But by loving her well enough that she feels safe being completely herself. By listening to what she says and, perhaps more importantly, what she doesn’t. By reminding her of her beauty when she cannot see it, her strength when she doubts it, and her worth when the world has made her question it.
A good woman may make a man look better than he deserves. A good man should spend his life trying to make sure the woman beside him knows she deserves every bit of the love he has to give.
Mothers do much the same thing. They hold our hands when we are small and somehow continue holding our hearts when we are grown. They teach us, guide us, challenge us, forgive us and believe in us during those moments when we have stopped believing in ourselves.
Perhaps the greatest testament to their strength is this: even death cannot completely take them from us.
Their voices remain. Their lessons remain. Their mannerisms suddenly appear in us when we least expect them. Their love becomes woven so deeply into who we are that separating ourselves from it becomes impossible.
So yes, I believe women are the stronger sex.
Not because men are weak, but because I have watched women carry burdens—physical, emotional and spiritual—with a strength that too often goes unnoticed. I have watched women and mothers give away pieces of themselves, year after year, asking remarkably little in return. And I have watched good women make the men in their lives stronger, kinder and better—often while allowing those men to take far more credit for it than they deserve.
So to all the moms—and all the good women—out there: thank you.
For the late nights and early mornings. For the encouragement and the tough lessons. For worrying when you told us you weren’t worried. For loving us when we were lovable—and especially when we weren’t. And for occasionally making us men look considerably better than the raw material you were given.
Most of all, thank you for giving us something powerful enough to answer a young person’s heartbreaking question with absolute certainty:
Yes. Your mom will still love you after she’s gone.
Because a mother’s love was never meant to last only for her lifetime.
It was meant to last for yours.