Just call me a Dad….

Most divorced dads I have known over the years have had weekends and one night a week with their kid(s), at best. Sometimes every other weekend. And it’s no slight on how each custody agreement comes together. There are a million factors that play an important role in this decision. No judgment.
The judgment is what comes from the societal expectations of the single father.
I remember, when my daughter was little, taking her out to dinner, or to a movie, or to the zoo. Almost every time we were out someone would say something very nice to me.
It’s nice to see a dad out with his kid.
Your daughter is so well behaved. You are doing such a good job as a father.
These are not things anyone would have said to a mother out with her kids. Because that is the expectation. That the mother can handle it and the father is some kind of hero for taking his kids to dinner.
Maybe it’s changing, but 30 years ago I was always patted on the back when I was out with my daughter.
•For just being a father who loves his kid
•For knowing how to braid a pony tail.
•For figuring out how to navigate a public bathroom situation.
•For carrying her in my arms.
•For going down the slide at the playground and being an active participant in playing.
These are the reduced expectations of a single father.
I was just doing what a parent should do.
I’ve heard “Mr. Mom” many times in my life. I have always found it offensive.
This is where the gender stereotype of parenting lives. In the words “mother” and “father” and society’s definitions of these words. In same sex couples, some try to figure out who is the mother and who is the father instead of reveling in the co-parenting.
Mr. Mom is an oxymoron of course. An impossibility based on the definition of mother.
But what if I was a nurturer? Did that make me more of a Mr. Mom?
I was just being a parent. A loving one.
I am not a researcher. I am not a psychologist. I was just a single father who never wanted anything more in life than to be a father. I don’t expect any pats on the back for feeling that way.
We never know the love of a parent till we become parents ourselves.
So, before we all get on the ‘Let’s throw under the bus all divorced Dads’ lets take a step back and recognize that Dads, oftentimes,have a hand in raising and supporting their children. Let’s celebrate both parents for raising their children. And let’s celebrate parents who can put aside the hurt and anger that their divorce caused and come together to raise their children.