ERK’s CORNER

My high school has, recently, published a number of photos of its newly admitted class of 2028 and I’ve enjoyed seeing these pictures. It’s been 51 years since I first entered Xavier. I see myself in these newly admitted ‘brothers’. Proud, happy, a bit scared; all on display. These young men have no way of knowing what their future will be, just as I didn’t know when I first stepped into Xavier. They have no way of knowing that they are beginning on their search of finding Heaven. What do I mean? I guess what I’m saying is that I believe in Heaven on Earth, and I believe it’s found anywhere you seek it. I first found it with many of my friendships that began with fellow Xavier High School classmates that have now stood the test of time. There’s not a lot you can hide from someone who knows you since you’re 13 years old! Fourteen, fifteen, sixteen, seventeen, lemme tell you. Those are big years. Everybody always thinks of it as a time of adolescence—just getting through to the real part of your life—but it’s more than that. Sometimes your whole life happens in those years, and the rest of your life it’s just the same story playing out with different characters. I could die tomorrow and have lived the main ups and downs of life experienced with those guys. Pain. Loss. Love. Gratitude. And what we all so fondly refer to as wisdom. That’s Heaven. I found Heaven with some of the Jesuit teachers I had. The teachers of my life saved my life and sent me out prepared for whatever life I was meant to lead. Like everyone else, I had some bad ones and mediocre ones, but I never had one that I thought was holding me back because of idleness or thoughtlessness. They spent their lives with the likes of me. They lit a path for me and one that I followed with joy.
So, lads enjoy your own search, recognize that you will never regret going to Xavier and keep marching Class of 2028!

Ulvade, Texas. A city that now takes it place along side Parkland, Buffalo, Columbine, Sante Fe, Newtown and many others. 19 kids…19. Innocent lives lost and families that will forever be altered. 19 kids. All at an age where their biggest concern should be fractions, the end of the school year, little league,cub scouts, girl scouts and all the other things a 10 year old thinks about. 19 kids….The debate has begun. Guns….take them away. This would never have happened if it wasn’t for guns. Would it be that simple. We live in an culture soaked in grapic, often sadistic, violence. Older folks find themselves stunned by what a desensitized youth finds routine, often amusing. It’s not just movies. Young men sit for hours pulling video-game triggers, mowing down human beings en masse without pain or consequence. And we profess shock when a small cadre of unstable, deeply deranged, dangerously isolated young men go out and enact the overlearned narrative.
19 kids….
I’m saddened and incredibly angry…19 kids..

From the Urban Dictionary:
Eddie’s are extremely nice guys, are incredibly attractive for not only physical appearance but also their great sense of humor, they thrive on making others laugh and are very intelligent however having such a laid back attitude is their down fall.

Surrounded by friends, an Eddie is a one in a million.

Eddie Kowalski

Most divorced dads I have known over the years have had weekends and one night a week with their kid(s), at best. Sometimes every other weekend. And it’s no slight on how each custody agreement comes together. There are a million factors that play an important role in this decision. No judgment.
The judgment is what comes from the societal expectations of the single father.
I remember, when my daughter was little, taking her out to dinner, or to a movie, or to the zoo. Almost every time we were out someone would say something very nice to me.
It’s nice to see a dad out with his kid.
Your daughter is so well behaved. You are doing such a good job as a father.
These are not things anyone would have said to a mother out with her kids. Because that is the expectation. That the mother can handle it and the father is some kind of hero for taking his kids to dinner.
Maybe it’s changing, but 30 years ago I was always patted on the back when I was out with my daughter.
•For just being a father who loves his kid
•For knowing how to braid a pony tail.
•For figuring out how to navigate a public bathroom situation.
•For carrying her in my arms.
•For going down the slide at the playground and being an active participant in playing.
These are the reduced expectations of a single father.
I was just doing what a parent should do.
I’ve heard “Mr. Mom” many times in my life. I have always found it offensive.
This is where the gender stereotype of parenting lives. In the words “mother” and “father” and society’s definitions of these words. In same sex couples, some try to figure out who is the mother and who is the father instead of reveling in the co-parenting.
Mr. Mom is an oxymoron of course. An impossibility based on the definition of mother.
But what if I was a nurturer? Did that make me more of a Mr. Mom?
I was just being a parent. A loving one.
I am not a researcher. I am not a psychologist. I was just a single father who never wanted anything more in life than to be a father. I don’t expect any pats on the back for feeling that way.
We never know the love of a parent till we become parents ourselves.
So, before we all get on the ‘Let’s throw under the bus all divorced Dads’ lets take a step back and recognize that Dads, oftentimes,have a hand in raising and supporting their children. Let’s celebrate both parents for raising their children. And let’s celebrate parents who can put aside the hurt and anger that their divorce caused and come together to raise their children.

It’s graduation season again. The ceremonies seem to get more elaborate and there seem to be more and more of them. Pre-school. Primary-school. Middle-school. High-school. Under-grad. Grad-school. Everyone gets a ceremony. These days it’s all virtual as well. It’s like spring-training for wedding season–lots of wobbly-high heels and clip-on ties. I must confess, I’m a bit fatigued by the long procession of ceremonies, the endless awards given and received, the sashes upon sashes and stoles upon stoles. I think we’re approaching a precarious place in our culture when the old pomp and circumstance doesn’t require any real or remarkable circumstance in order to pomp.

And yet, I’m not here just to rain on the parade. If you’re graduating or moving on in any way, then you’re surely, and understandably, thinking a lot about ‘what happens next.’ As you move through this transition I hope that you have a very nice ceremony, but even more, I hope that you don’t fail to have the actual experience of transition, of transformation. Don’t let the noise of celebration rob you of the real pain of leaving or the real hope of change. Know yourself beloved, know this to be reason enough for hope, and let yourself be amazed by whatever happens next. Also, please recognize that the friends that you have made and who are graduating with you now will, hopefully, remain in your life forever. Let me tell you, the friends that I graduated high school with way back in 1976 are still my friends and I look forward to speaking to them almost as much as I looked forward to seeing them back when I was asking them for their Geometry homework!

I hope you understand that what happens next has everything to do with what’s already happening. I hope you understand that who you will become has everything to do with who you already are. I hope you understand that the love you’ve known and the love you long for have their meeting place in you and — if you can make a place for both of them — you can remain in love, no matter what happens next.

Rumi suggests that we “sell our cleverness and buy bewilderment.” Best commencement speech ever…and at six words it would be the shortest too…win-win. Many like to tell you about what will happen next and many more hope to profit off of your curiosity and need. And yet, precious few are willing to affirm the amazement to be found in what already is, the beauty in your being who you already are. More than a seeker, become a lover. Sell your cleverness, buy bewilderment, and what happens next will, necessarily, amaze you.

Congratulations, class of 2022!

Stop showing up for people who have no interest in your presence. I know your instinct is to do everything to earn the appreciation of those around you, but it’s a boost that steals your time, energy, mental and physical health.

When you begin to fight for a life with joy, interest and commitment, not everyone will be ready to follow you in this place. This doesn’t mean you need to change what you are, it means you should let go of the people who aren’t ready to accompany you.

If you are excluded, insulted, forgotten or ignored by the people you give your time to, you don’t do yourself a favor by continuing to offer your energy and your life. The truth is that you are not for everyone and not everyone is for you.

That’s what makes it so special when you meet people who reciprocate love. You will know how precious you are.

The more time you spend trying to make yourself loved by someone who is unable to, the more time you waste depriving yourself of the possibility of this connection to someone else.

There are billions of people on this planet and many of them will meet with you at your level of interest and commitment.

The more you stay involved with people who use you as a pillow, a background option or a therapist for emotional healing, the longer you stay away from the community you want.

Maybe if you stop showing up, you won’t be wanted. Maybe if you stop trying, the relationship will end. Maybe if you stop texting your phone will stay dark for weeks. That doesn’t mean you ruined the relationship, it means the only thing holding it back was the energy that only you gave to keep it. This is not love, it’s attachment. It’s wanting to give a chance to those who don’t deserve it. You deserve so much, there are people who should not be in your life.

The most valuable thing you have in your life is your time and energy, and both are limited. When you give your time and energy, it will define your existence.

When you realize this, you begin to understand why you are so anxious when you spend time with people, in activities, places or situations that don’t suit you and shouldn’t be around you, your energy is stolen.

You will begin to realize that the most important thing you can do for yourself and for everyone around you is to protect your energy more fiercely than anything else. Make your life a safe haven, in which only ′′compatible′′ people are allowed.

You are not responsible for saving anyone. You are not responsible for convincing them to improve. It’s not your work to exist for people and give your life to them! If you feel bad, if you feel compelled, you will be the root of all your problems, fearing that they will not return the favours you have granted. It’s your only obligation to realize that you are the love of your destiny and accept the love you deserve.

Decide that you deserve true friendship, commitment, true and complete love with healthy and prosperous people. Then wait and see how much everything begins to change. Don’t waste time with people who are not worth it. Change will give you the love, the esteem, happiness and the protection you deserve.

This morning, WKIP’s Hudson Valley Live Show interviewed Rob Astorino, former Westchester County Executive and current Republican candidate for Governor.

https://clyp.it/xclnw1uv

Former Orange County NY Executive Edward Diana and two other officials with the Orange County Industrial Development Agency plead guilty to numerous felony charges in Goshen yesterday. The agency’s former managing director Vincent Cozzolino plead guilty to the most serious charge of corrupting government and must pay $1 Million in restitution with 5 years of probation. The I.D.A.’s former CEO Laurie Villasuso plead guilty to the same charge and must pay $175,000.00 in restitution. Diana served on the I.D.A.’s oversight board for the past six years. He plead guilty to two counts of offering a false instrument for filing and must pay $90,000.00 in restitution. Prosecutors allege Villasuso and Diana were both paid employees of Cozzolino’s consulting firm. Who paid no attention to Cozzolino’s plan to use the I.D.A. to line his pockets. Cozzolino’s consulting firm is called Galileo Technology Group. Diana served 3 terms as Orange County Executive.
Another sad example of corruption in New York. The history of the government of New York is also, in large measure, the history of the misgovernment of New York. It is an entertaining history, full of thieves, rascals, and knaves, full of bold schemes and brazen misconduct. Now and then, as if in some ancient legend, a hero emerges to fight the bad guys. In this story, the hero’s are Orange County Legislator Jimmy O’Donnell and DA Hoovler who rooted this out.
Always, below the surface, serious questions press for attention—questions that strike at the heart of our faith that “we, the people” possess the qualities that are needed to make self-government work. The story of corruption in New York is the story of the bosses who have organized and profited from that corruption, but it is more than that. It is the story of the contractors who have gotten rich from their arrangements with the bosses, but it is more than that. In the end it is the story of the people of New York ,shrugging their shoulders, selling their votes, going about their business. That’s the sad thing about this story and we’re all left the poorer for it and we get the government we deserve.

Random Sunday morning thoughts.

• Recognize that the people who you went to High School with should always remain your friends precisely because we share the silly, not the serious. Because we tell the same funny stories. Because we knew each other when we were at our happiest and most innocent.
  • It’s a safe bet that no one really wants to listen to you about what it really was like before the internet.
  • Dogs are fine, though. A dog loves a person the way people love each other only while in the grip of new love: with intense, unwavering focus, attentive to every move the beloved makes, unaware of imperfections, desiring little more than to be close, to be entwined, to touch and touch and touch. I thank and think often of the dogs that I have been lucky to have, Trixie, Dutchess, Geek, Casey, Rosie and, yes, another Casey…..
  • Nothing tastes as good as fresh pizza hot out of a wood-fired oven, garnished with kosher salt and freshly chopped basil leaves.
  • It is unlikely you will ever speak a foreign language. Father Aracich…….you were right.
  • It costs nothing to forgive people who have wronged you. Forever bearing the burden of anger, on the other hand, will eat you alive. (Still working on this one!)
  • Not to lose your dignity, even when confronting illness. Not to bend your principles. Not to be cruel. Not to be unforgiving. Not to act like small things don’t matter — birthday calls, congratulations calls, condolence calls. Anniversary calls.
  • If you have writer’s block, lower your standards, and then revise.
  • To believe that the pursuit of truth and right ideas through honest debate and rigorous argument is a noble undertaking.
  • Nobody expects you to know everything. Nobody expects all your views to be right. But if you’re going to write about a subject, take the time to really understand it. Don’t just dissect it so you can dismiss it. Don’t just listen to everything the people on TV say about it. Embrace it. Hold it. Understand it. Let it change you. New ideas are scary. Explore them anyway.
  • Stand up to hypocrisy. If you don’t, the hypocrites will teach. Stand up to ignorance, because if you don’t, the ignorant will run free to spread ignorance like a disease. Stand up for truth. If you don’t, then there is no truth to your existence. If you don’t stand up for all that is right, then understand that you are part of the reason why there is so much wrong in the world.
  • It’s important in life to conclude things properly. Only then can you let go. Otherwise you are left with words you should have said but never did, and your heart is heavy with remorse
  • Nothing exists without a purpose. Every experience you have in this lifetime was written for you to grow into the light you were meant to be.
  • You never stop missing your parents, no matter how old you get, no matter how long they have been gone. Or, for that matter, your children, even when you’re lucky enough to speak to them every day. Love you, Jenny Kowalski
  • Admit when you are wrong. The older you get, the more frequently you’ll have the opportunity.
  • Have a sense of humor about everything, including the things that are the saddest.

This week, I got the word that a former teacher of mine, Mike Sehler SJ passed away. The fragility of life is something that I, like a lot of people, don’t stop to consider.
I first met Father Sehler in ’75. He introduced me to James Joyce/James Agee. A quirky, intellectually gifted and, yes, sometimes arrogant fellow. I was immediately drawn to him. I can remember one class where he just talked about the then breaking news of Florence Ballard, one of the original members of the Supremes, who died in 1976 at the age of 33. “Gentlemen, can you imagine being that famous and dying at 33?” He spent that whole class talking about life’s ironies. I loved his sensitivity. Mike also said that ‘the English alphabet has just 26 letters. 26 letters and in the right hands these 26 letters have given the world literature’. He also once told me to make sure to only read the classics because there’s ‘not enough time’ to get through all the entire world of literature. I have read like a man on fire my whole life because the genius of his teaching. Mike’s gift to me and all the other kids he taught was to just appreciate the dazzling beauty of language.
Because of him I rode with Don Quixote and danced with Anna Karenina at a ball in St. Petersburg and lassoed a steer in “Lonesome Dove” and had nightmares about slavery in “Beloved” and walked the streets of Dublin in “Ulysses” and made up a hundred stories in the Arabian nights and saw my mother killed by a baseball in “A Prayer for Owen Meany.” I’ve laughed out loud reading Supreme Court Justice Antonin Scalia’s dissenting opinions for their sheer brilliance and have been humbled by the blazing intellect of Charles Krauthammer’s editorials.
Fourteen, fifteen, sixteen, seventeen, lemme tell you. Those are big years. Everybody always thinks of it as a time of adolescence—just getting through to the real part of your life—but it’s more than that. Sometimes your whole life happens in those years, and the rest of your life is just the same story playing out with different characters. I’m eternally grateful for going through those years with the likes of Mike Sehler.
Keep him in your prayers.